Today is Kyle's 21st birthday. Honestly, there were times I wasn't sure he would even make it to this milestone. But he did! Happy Birthday, Kyle!
"From the moment we brought him home from the hospital, Kyle has always taken more of our parenting energy than any of our girls." I've said this many times (and I'm sure Kyle would readily agree). Then, I usually follow this statement with some of Kyle's antics or escapades. And finally, I end it with, "But I love him just the same!" Well, today I got to thinking about that phrase. It's kind of a way of saying, "Even though you may be difficult, or you made a mistake, or I'm so frustrated with you, I still love you unconditionally." And that's all true! But, as a mother of 4 kids, sometimes I worried about favoritism. Does Kyle know that I really do "love him just the same"? Do the girls know that even though we have given so much of our attention and time to Kyle, that we "love them just the same"?
And then it hit me ... I DON'T love them all just the same! I love them all just the DIFFERENT.
Kyle was a colicky baby. He cried almost nonstop for the first 4 or 5 months. Especially in the evening when Dan was home from work. It didn't mean we loved him any less. We just had to love him differently. We had to figure out how to hold him differently, how to comfort him differently.
Kyle was diagnosed with ADHD while in Kindergarten. To be honest, this diagnosis dominated the rest of his schooling up through his dropping out of college. I remember so many doctors visits, 504 plan meetings, and talks with teachers about preferential seating and what-not. At times it was exhausting and exasperating. But we learned different things to do to help Kyle. I fondly remember when we learned that "deep pressure" could help keep Kyle focused and calm. His two older sisters, Maria and Leslie, would often sit on the couch with Kyle in between them and make a "Kyle sandwich". It was a way to "love him just the different"!
In middle school, we learned that Kyle was suffering with depression. It wasn't much of a surprise. It runs in Dan's family. Still, it was another hurdle that Kyle was to face, and like ADHD it will be something he deals with for the rest of his life. We had to find ways to balance his time. We had to show him that we valued his unstructured time as much as his structured (school and extracurricular) time. Once again, we had to find a way to "love him just the different".
At the beginning of high school, Kyle took us on the long and wild ride of drugs, inhalants, addiction, teen rehab, and the juvenile court system. And when I said earlier that I didn't know if he would make it to his 21st birthday, I wasn't exaggerating or joking! As a mother, the darkest of days happened in a court room on a cold winter day, when we found out that he would spend 2 years (later reduced to 16 months for good behavior) in a juvenile detention center located over an hour away from our home. I had to learn ways to "love him just the different".
And now, Kyle is on the cusp of living life independently. He moved out of our house in July and has fiercely taken on the idea of "making it" on his own. He has been working in a variety of labor type jobs by working for a labor temp agency. And he has thrived in this environment! He learns quickly and impresses his supervisors. I think he actually enjoys the way this work has tested his limits physically and mentally. I am extremely proud of him!
A mother's love for her children is an interesting thing. Most any mother will tell you that they don't love one child more than the other. One thing that I do know is that I love all of my children unconditionally! But I have learned something about that. I don't love each of my children in the same way. They each get a different unconditional love because of who they are, and they are all unique!
Happy 21st Birthday, Kyle! I love you like only a mother can!
Kyle was diagnosed with ADHD while in Kindergarten. To be honest, this diagnosis dominated the rest of his schooling up through his dropping out of college. I remember so many doctors visits, 504 plan meetings, and talks with teachers about preferential seating and what-not. At times it was exhausting and exasperating. But we learned different things to do to help Kyle. I fondly remember when we learned that "deep pressure" could help keep Kyle focused and calm. His two older sisters, Maria and Leslie, would often sit on the couch with Kyle in between them and make a "Kyle sandwich". It was a way to "love him just the different"!
In middle school, we learned that Kyle was suffering with depression. It wasn't much of a surprise. It runs in Dan's family. Still, it was another hurdle that Kyle was to face, and like ADHD it will be something he deals with for the rest of his life. We had to find ways to balance his time. We had to show him that we valued his unstructured time as much as his structured (school and extracurricular) time. Once again, we had to find a way to "love him just the different".
At the beginning of high school, Kyle took us on the long and wild ride of drugs, inhalants, addiction, teen rehab, and the juvenile court system. And when I said earlier that I didn't know if he would make it to his 21st birthday, I wasn't exaggerating or joking! As a mother, the darkest of days happened in a court room on a cold winter day, when we found out that he would spend 2 years (later reduced to 16 months for good behavior) in a juvenile detention center located over an hour away from our home. I had to learn ways to "love him just the different".
And now, Kyle is on the cusp of living life independently. He moved out of our house in July and has fiercely taken on the idea of "making it" on his own. He has been working in a variety of labor type jobs by working for a labor temp agency. And he has thrived in this environment! He learns quickly and impresses his supervisors. I think he actually enjoys the way this work has tested his limits physically and mentally. I am extremely proud of him!
A mother's love for her children is an interesting thing. Most any mother will tell you that they don't love one child more than the other. One thing that I do know is that I love all of my children unconditionally! But I have learned something about that. I don't love each of my children in the same way. They each get a different unconditional love because of who they are, and they are all unique!
Happy 21st Birthday, Kyle! I love you like only a mother can!
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