What's In A Name?

A month or so ago, I promised some Facebook friends that I would write about how each of our children were named.  So this is it!    I've always been fascinated with names ...their meanings ...family traditions ...how names are chosen ...baby-naming trends ...

Our children have always reveled in the idea that each of them has a name with a bit of a story to go along with it.  

My kids:  Aubrey, Leslie, Kyle, and Maria

In order to tell the story of our eldest child, Maria, first I have to tell you the story of MY name.  You see, the two stories are tied together!

The Story of My (Paula's) Name

I'm the youngest of five children and the only girl.  When my parents were expecting their first baby, there was no such thing as ultrasounds.  They picked out two names - Richard and Paula - and anxiously awaited the birth.  It was a boy, and they were thrilled!  Two years later, they were looking forward to a sibling for Rich.  This time the choices were - Ronald or Paula.  It was another boy!  Fantastic!  Two little brothers just two years apart!  Three years later, Mom was pregnant again.  The chosen names were - Stephen and Paula.  Once again, they brought a baby boy home from the hospital!  And finally, four years later, the family would add another.  Surely this time it would be a girl, right?  But just in case, they were prepared with names for either gender - James or Paula.  The baby arrived, just a day after Dad's birthday!  And wouldn't you know it, it was another boy!  

Well, that was that.  My parents were done having babies.  The four Ludwig brothers were as close as any siblings could be.  What more could they want?  Well ... apparently there was something more that they wanted.  Every night, at the dinner table, they would pray for a baby sister.  My parents would just shake their heads and snicker silently.  

The thing is ... God DOES answer prayers!  And so, seven years after James was born and sixteen long years since the name of Paula was thought up, my parents found out that they would have another child.  Now by this time, my mom had become a little tired of the name Paula.  She really wanted to name me Maria.  But Dad was insistent!  "We have stuck by that name for sixteen years and, by golly, if it's a girl we are naming her Paula!"  As a small compromise, they decided my middle name would be Marie.  And so ... that is how I came by my name!

My brothers adoring little ol' me!  Ron, Jim, Rich, and Steve below.

The Story of Maria's Name

As a little girl growing up, I heard the previous story a lot.  I loved the story and could just imagine my big brothers all sitting around the dinner table, heads bowed in prayer while Mom and Dad would secretly look at each other, both thinking, "Absolutely not!  Four kids is enough!"  Funny thing is, I fixated on a different part of that story.  When I found out that I might have been named Maria, I became enamored with the name.  Why, oh why couldn't my mother have convinced my dad to name me Maria?  And so, for as long as I can remember, all my dolls were named Maria.  When I played "house" and I was the mom, whoever was my little girl would have to agree to be called Maria.  

As I grew up, I fantasized about being a mother.  I realized that whoever I married would either have to like the name Maria or at least be okay with the idea of letting me choose the name!  Luckily, Dan seemed to like the name and had no argument with naming our first daughter Maria. 

Newborn Maria Lynn Naden

A funny side note about Maria's name:  I was teaching 4th grade back in 1988 when I was pregnant with Maria.  I told my class the name we had picked out if we were to have a girl.  One of my students got a confused look on her face and timidly raised her hand.  When I called on her, she said, "But you can't name her Maria.  She won't have dark skin."  This child's only experience with that name were of people of Latino ethnicity! 

  
The Story of Leslie's Name

My first college roommate was a wonderful gal named Leslie Flannigan.  We were opposites in a lot of ways, but OH BOY did we have fun together!  She was there when I met Dan and the three of us ended up doing all kinds of crazy things together.  At the end of the first semester of college she ended up transferring to KU.  We stayed close for awhile going to each others weddings but eventually lost contact.  

When Dan and I started talking about names for our 2nd child, we both brought up the name Leslie as a suggestion.  We not only really liked the name, but it was associated with some great memories and a good friend.  It was an easy to agree on choice!

Newborn Leslie Jenae Naden

A few years later we would reconnect with Leslie Flannigan.  She was so surprised and honored to hear that we had named our daughter after her!  


The Story of Kyle's Name

Dan has two older brothers and no sisters.  You already know how I have four brothers.  It's a wonder that we had any daughters at all!  Even more astounding that we ended up with more girls than boys!  Many people are not aware that Dan had a younger brother who came along when Dan was 8.  His name was Kyle.  He was a perfectly healthy baby, but when he was about 3 months old he developed a fever.  The only thing available back in the early 70's to give infants with fevers was aspirin.  Shortly after giving Kyle the baby aspirin, he started getting worse instead of better.  They took him to the hospital, but the doctors couldn't seem to do anything as each of his organs started shutting down.  He died within a few days.  At that point, not many doctors knew much about Reye's syndrome.  It wouldn't be until 1980 that the CDC warned about the connection of baby aspirin and Reye's syndrome.  No one knows for sure if Kyle had Reye's syndrome since Dan's parents didn't even know about it until 10 years later, but Dan's mom told me once that she thinks that's what happened.  

The first Kyle Naden, born Nov. 13, 1970

Dan and I decided that if we were to have a boy, we would name him Kyle.  It would be a way to honor and remember a precious little baby that no one got to know very well or see grow up.  Because we named our son Kyle, our children knew about an "Uncle Kyle" who they never met but was smiling down on them from heaven!

Newborn Kyle Daniel Naden and me

The Story of Aubrey's Name

Since I had more of a say in naming our first two girls, I told Dan that if we had another girl, he could name her.  Dan was convinced that our last child would be a girl.  When we were engaged and talking about having a family, we had decided that four kids would be a great number.  Dan predicted way back then that we would have two girls, a boy, and another girl.  While I was pregnant with Aubrey I almost hoped it would be a boy just to prove him wrong.  But of course that didn't happen, and Dan has been rather smug about it to this day!

Dan was a big fan of a popular rock music group called Bread.  They had a song called "Aubrey" that he had always loved.  After hearing the song, how could I argue?  It was so beautiful.  You can listen to it by clicking on the link below:

Aubrey by Bread

We decided to add Anna as a middle name.  That was Dan's mother's first name (although she always went by her middle name of Darlene). 

 

Newborn Aubrey Anna Naden

 

 

Parenting Full Circle

Kyle, Lauren, and Phoenix visited us yesterday.  Lauren is Kyle's girlfriend and Phoenix is her son.  They do laundry at our house so we usually get to see them about every two weeks.  Phoenix is an adorable 2 year old who now calls us Grammy and Papa!  We love him to pieces!

Dan and I are enjoying grandparenthood so much.  We really like the chance to start new traditions of what it will mean to visit Grammy and Papa's house!  We have a wooden bench in our entryway that has been emptied of school supplies from when our own kids lived here and now contains TOYS!  Rosalie and Phoenix both know that the bench and everything in it is their domain.

We also have a candy dish (that Grandma doesn't allow to get empty).  It sits in a window breezeway between the kitchen and the living room.  Rosalie and Phoenix know that if they ask me, Grammy will probably pick them up and let them grab a piece of candy for each hand!  The last few times Phoenix has been here, he comes to me with his hands up.  I pick him up and he gives me a big hug and a cute kiss.  Then he places both his hands on my cheeks, peers into my eyes, and sweetly says, "Piece a candy?"

How can I resist?

Well, yesterday Phoenix had already hit me up for candy.  (He informed me that it was "choc-lit"!) I knew we were heading to the local Mexican restaurant very soon, so when he asked for seconds on candy, I had to uncharacteristically say "No more right now."  He decided to try and stand on a flat of water bottles to reach the candy dish himself so I had to tell him to get down because that wasn't safe.  He was very unhappy and proceeded to throw himself onto the floor.

And then IT happened!  Nothing short of what I like to think is a "parenting full circle"!  Kyle very quietly and calmly said (without a hint of sarcasm in his voice), "Phoenix, it's okay with me if you want to throw a fit.  I won't mind at all."

OMG!  How many times did Kyle hear that as a child?  And then, for me to hear that coming out of Kyle's mouth!  Funny, sweet, nostalgic, they-grow-up-so-fast, emotions rushing through me!

Have I mentioned how much I love being a grandmother???

What's My Cause?

I have always admired people who are passionate for a cause.  Especially those who have found one that has affected them personally.  A childhood friend, whom I've reconnected with through work, has started and runs her own foundation.  Her son continues to battle childhood cancer, and her fervor for better research for childhood cancer cures is astounding.  (Check out www.bradenshope.org if interested in learning more.)  A former day care provider for my children has always been a huge supporter of the Juvenile Diabetes cause.  She is very close to someone who is affected by this.  I remember as a young girl, walking with my mom door-to-door delivering collection envelopes for the March of Dimes.  I remember Mom telling me, "Paula, you can't support every charity that comes along asking for donations.  Find one or two that are important to you, and concentrate on those."

I feel very fortunate that myself and my family have been relatively healthy.  We have been lucky, I guess, in that there hasn't been a clear front-running cause to capture my passion.  Our family hasn't been directly touched by cancer, diabetes, heart disease, or birth defects.  So, I've asked myself, "What cause can I get behind?  What really matters in my family's day-to-day life?"  The answer has been there for quite awhile.  I just wasn't ready to admit it ... to embrace it.  I kept telling myself, "Yeah, but that's not life-threatening."  Or, "What will people think?"  Or, "Will this be embarrassing for my loved ones?"

Well, I'm done with excuses!  I HAVE found my cause, and I WILL be passionate about it!
 

DEPRESSION!

Did you know that in my immediate family of six, half of us suffer with depression?  That's right!  Three of the six of us have been diagnosed with some sort of depression.  Dan, Maria, and Kyle.  Did you know that depression runs in families?  Dan's mother, Darlene, had horrible spells of depression long before it was a recognized form of mental illness.  She told me once that she had almost a full year of her adult life that she doesn't remember at all because she was so deep in the throes of depression.

3 of 6 deal with depression in our family

Depression is so misunderstood!  Even after so many years of living with people with depression, there are some days when I'm tempted to say, "Can't you just try to be happy?"  Or, "Think positive!  Your life is going well!"  I constantly have to remind myself that their brains are working differently than mine.  

Treatments for depression are very frustrating.  Medications may work for some people, but not others.  Even if you find a medication that helps, there are side effects to deal with or over time it stops being as effective.  Therapy has been somewhat helpful for Kyle, but ineffective for Maria and Dan.  More than anything, the stigma of depression can be the worst.  How do you tell people that you have depression?  How are you going to react to their reaction?  It can be nerve-wracking and exhausting.  

So now that I have a cause, what am I going to do?  Well, today, I started by looking up some organizations that support people with depression and research about or treatments for depression.  Here's what I learned today.  There are lots of organizations out there for the support of mental health issues!

http://www.familyaware.org/

http://www.freedomfromfear.org/index.html

http://www.nami.org/

I'm not ready to start donating any money today.  (If you know me, I do a lot of research before I send my money anywhere!)  But I am ready to educate myself, and I can encourage you to do the same.  

And one more thing before I sign off -- I mentioned something earlier in the blog post about my cause not being life-threatening.  Well, that's WRONG!  There is a clear link between depression and suicide.  (Dan and I had one very scary night with Kyle many years ago.  Perhaps that will be the subject of a future blog post.)  

So for now, I hope I can share my passion with you.  Learn about depression.  Be compassionate to your friends who suffer from this form of mental illness.  Be patient and be present in their lives.  It does help!

Cheers,

Paula

 

Kyle Daniel

... But I Love Him Just The Same Different

Today is Kyle's 21st birthday.  Honestly, there were times I wasn't sure he would even make it to this milestone.  But he did!  Happy Birthday, Kyle!  

"From the moment we brought him home from the hospital, Kyle has always taken more of our parenting energy than any of our girls."  I've said this many times (and I'm sure Kyle would readily agree).  Then, I usually follow this statement with some of Kyle's antics or escapades.  And finally, I end it with, "But I love him just the same!"  Well, today I got to thinking about that phrase.  It's kind of a way of saying, "Even though you may be difficult, or you made a mistake, or I'm so frustrated with you, I still love you unconditionally."  And that's all true!  But, as a mother of 4 kids, sometimes I  worried about favoritism.  Does Kyle know that I really do "love him just the same"?  Do the girls know that even though we have given so much of our attention and time to Kyle, that we "love them just the same"?  

And then it hit me ... I DON'T love them all just the same!  I love them all just the DIFFERENT.  

Kyle was a colicky baby.  He cried almost nonstop for the first 4 or 5 months.  Especially in the evening when Dan was home from work.  It didn't mean we loved him any less.  We just had to love him differently.  We had to figure out how to hold him differently, how to comfort him differently.

Kyle was diagnosed with ADHD while in Kindergarten.  To be honest, this diagnosis dominated the rest of his schooling up through his dropping out of college.  I remember so many doctors visits, 504 plan meetings, and talks with teachers about preferential seating and what-not.  At times it was exhausting and exasperating.  But we learned different things to do to help Kyle.  I fondly remember when we learned that "deep pressure" could help keep Kyle focused and calm.  His two older sisters, Maria and Leslie, would often sit on the couch with Kyle in between them and make a "Kyle sandwich".  It was a way to "love him just the different"!

In middle school, we learned that Kyle was suffering with depression.  It wasn't much of a surprise.  It runs in Dan's family.  Still, it was another hurdle that Kyle was to face, and like ADHD it will be something he deals with for the rest of his life.  We had to find ways to balance his time.  We had to show him that we valued his unstructured time as much as his structured (school and extracurricular) time.  Once again, we had to find a way to "love him just the different".

At the beginning of high school, Kyle took us on the long and wild ride of drugs, inhalants, addiction, teen rehab, and the juvenile court system.  And when I said earlier that I didn't know if he would make it to his 21st birthday, I wasn't exaggerating or joking!  As a mother, the darkest of days happened in a court room on a cold winter day, when we found out that he would spend 2 years (later reduced to 16 months for good behavior) in a juvenile detention center located over an hour away from our home.  I had to learn ways to "love him just the different".

And now, Kyle is on the cusp of living life independently.  He moved out of our house in July and has fiercely taken on the idea of "making it" on his own.  He has been working in a variety of labor type jobs by working for a labor temp agency.  And he has thrived in this environment!  He learns quickly and impresses his supervisors.  I think he actually enjoys the way this work has tested his limits physically and mentally.  I am extremely proud of him!

A mother's love for her children is an interesting thing.  Most any mother will tell you that they don't love one child more than the other.  One thing that I do know is that I love all of my children unconditionally!  But I have learned something about that.  I don't love each of my children in the same way.  They each get a different unconditional love because of who they are, and they are all unique!

Happy 21st Birthday, Kyle!  I love you like only a mother can!
    

Leslie Jenae

 I'm not sure if our children can fully comprehend a parent's love.  (Maybe when they become parents themselves!)  I love each one of them so much, that there is no way to quantify it.  Therefore, there is no way to love one more than the other.  However, there are different WAYS to love them.  And because my four kids are so unique, I find that my love manifests itself differently for each.

Our family celebrated Leslie's 23rd birthday a couple of days ago.  It was really great that she was able to make it home and spend her special day with us!

Leslie is the second of our four children.  From the very beginning, she was an easy child to take care of.  She was calm, laid back, and even started sleeping through the night when she was only a couple of weeks old.  The first night she did that scared us to death!  We were afraid to go into the nursery for fear that she had stopped breathing in the middle of the night!

Newborn Leslie and Me

When she was young, Dan and I gave her the nickname of Miss U.N. (United Nations) because she always wanted to keep everyone happy.  Leslie would pretty much do whatever her big sister, Maria, wanted to do because if Maria was happy, then Leslie was happy!  And then, if Maria wasn't around, she wanted to make sure Mom and Dad were happy.  Maria, Leslie, and I used to wait for Maria's kindergarten bus to pick her up after lunch.  As soon as Maria's bus was gone, Leslie would turn to me and say in her sweet little voice, "Mommy, it's my nap time.  Please put me to bed!"

Maria wanted to be Jasmine for Halloween, so Leslie played along and became Raja!

All parents believe that their own children are incredibly intelligent.  It's just that in my case, it happens to be true ;)  Of the four, Leslie was the one that was blessed with (what I like to call) "school smarts"!  She has the type of  intelligence that most school teachers traditionally look for.  She does very well in school, studies hard, completes assignments, and is well behaved to boot!  When she was in 4th grade, her teacher changed the class' seating arrangement monthly.  Towards the end of the year, she let the kids pick where they wanted to sit.  Leslie requested that her desk be right up against the teacher's desk and not with any other students.  (This had always been reserved for trouble-makers.)  The teacher asked Leslie, "Are you sure you want to sit there?"  Leslie replied, "I have never gotten to sit close to the teacher.  I would like to just this once!"

As Leslie grew older, she continued to be an easy child to raise.  As a middle-schooler, she and her 3 best friends would have sleep-overs.  Instead of calling boys or sneaking out, these 4 girls would stay up late writing and editing each others' fantasy stories.  We used to joke that Leslie really didn't need any parenting. She could have raised herself!

A description of Leslie's personality would not be complete without talking about her spiritual side.  I started to notice how faith-filled she was during her high school years.  The Grace of God has touched her in a special way because she has a belief in Him that is strong and enduring.  I am humbled, but happy, to admit that each of my 4 children has attributes that I aspire to achieve myself.  In Leslie's case, it is her strength of faith and commitment to God that inspires me to be more like her.

Now, before you start to think that our Leslie is too good to be true ... most personality traits have a good side and  ... shall we say ... a "flip" side!  Leslie's eagerness to please came about primarily because she was non-confrontational.  As she grew older, she learned that passive-aggressiveness was a way to get what she wanted without messing up the "Miss U.N." status.  Here's another example:  Leslie has always had a very clear sense of right and wrong, good and bad.  It's probably what helped her be such a good student and well-behaved child.  On the flip side -- she is very pragmatic!  Dan and I joke that Leslie had to leave home and go to college in order to become difficult to parent.  Leslie usually sees just one way to do things, and to suggest she try a different path ... can be exasperating at times!!!

Leslie graduated from Benedictine College in May 2012

Now Leslie's life-path is about to take some wonderful, interesting turns!  She is about a year away from completing her masters in library science.  (Who would have guessed that she would follow in MY footsteps for a career path?)  And just a few weeks ago, she said, "YES" to Andrew Gasper when he asked her to marry him!  How exciting!  It is simply marvelous to love your daughter soooo much, and then witness the man who is going to love her for the rest of their lives.

I love you, Leslie!  Happy Birthday!  And I'm so happy for you!

Cheers,
Paula  

      

 

  

Why So Cheery?

I'm starting a blog.  Not sure how this is going to pan out.  I'm actually not much of a writer.  My husband, Dan, is an accomplished writer, and I have quite a few friends who have a knack for the written word.  

But ... I DO have thoughts and ideas that I want to get out somehow!  So ... a blog seems like a pretty good way to do that.  

This first entry is about why I chose the title for my blog.

Cheers, Paula

Anyone who knows me, probably recognizes that this is how I sign off on almost everything -- letters, emails, cards, etc.  

It started way back when I was still in high school and was a cheerleader.  Back then, it was just kind of a cutesy thing!  Over time, it just stuck and has become a sort of philosophy for the way I try to live my life.  

Cheerleaders have to be eternal optimists!  Even when your team is losing (sometimes badly), you still have to smile, and clap, and face the fans with spirit and enthusiasm.  At the end of the game, it didn't matter if your team had won or lost.  The athletes could show their
disappointment.  Cheerleaders could too, but just for a little bit.  And then it was time to jump up, sing the school fight song, and swish your pom-poms through the entire routine.  (And don't forget to smile!)  

I guess after 7 years of that (Yes!  I was a cheerleader for 7 years), it just starts to become a way of life!  I started noticing something about my personality.  For me, winning or losing wasn't that big of a deal.  But ... keeping a positive attitude no matter what life threw at me was how I dealt with LIFE!  

Now, that's not to say that I am a regular "Pollyanna"!  I can be pretty negative sometimes, especially in private or with one or two close friends.  (Just ask Dan!)  But what's the point of staying in that state?  For me, it just doesn't work.  I might as well face the crowd with a smile, clap my hands and see if I can get the crowd to stand up and clap along!!!

In case you are wondering if my blog is going to turn into a big sappy happy optimist fest ...

I hope not!  I do plan on sharing with you some of my life's wins AND losses.  But I'm also going to be me!  And that means finding a way to be a "fan" of my life (and life in general) regardless of circumstances, choices, decisions, or fate. 

Cheers,
Paula